LA-

It’s nothing that I haven’t said before. But I know that you have a hard time remembering the good things. So I’ll say it again, in the permanence of the internet:

You changed so many of my multitudes for the better. You taught me new levels of grace and bravery. You opened my eyes to the pain of others that I could not see. I was waking up and you wiped the sleep from my eyes.

You were so gentle in the beginning. And I thought that you loved me so truly. I really felt safe for the first time, at the start. It was like real tangible magic when you loved me. I had never felt so beautiful or adored.

In fact, you were so magical, that I’ll never be able to settle for less. From the moment we connected, there was a deep knowing. A recognition. A spark. A changing that can never be undone. And now I don’t ever want anything less than just that.

It didn’t end up as the forever we had planned. We didn’t even make it to our fourth anniversary. But it was still something precious and life altering for me.

I don’t know why everything changed on that odd November morning. We had been split up for nearly 4 months and I genuinely thought that we were friends. I thought we were gonna live out the lesbian trope of being besties with your ex. I don’t know what you could possibly have been going through to try and build a wall between me and our friends. Or why you would ever steal from me. But I guess that’s not for me to know. Spilt milk, and all that jazz.

Even still, I don’t think you’re a bad person at all. I actually still believe that you’re an astounding person. You’re deeply wounded and you’re just trying to survive, like me. I don’t think you meant to hurt me as severely as you did. At least I hope you didn’t. You nearly succeeded at shaking the foundation of my security. But instead, you’ve given me a chance to prove my resilience to myself, yet again. (a reoccurring theme in my life, as you know)

So thank you countlessly for the lessons. Thank you countlessly for your time and your effort. Thank you countlessly for providing a love safe enough for me to be honest with the world about who I truly am.

And thank you for opening the closet door. It was dark in there.

PS. If you read this, please unblock me from Spotify; that one stung the worst 😭